Robes
by PsychologyGeek81
Summary: Why are all the Death Eaters acting so strange around Voldemort today? Just a little humorous oneshot, so not to be taken seriously!


**Authors note: **

**I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters. Also this is my first fanfic so I'm quite nervous. I would also like to thank my younger sister for helping me with some of the ideas in this piece.**

* * *

When Lord Voldemort woke he was feeling particularly evil. He strode out of bed and admired his bald, noseless self in the mirror. "Wormtail!" he called, and the short,stout, rat-like man scurried in and closed the door.

"Ye-yes my lord." He stammered before bowing down on the carpet. Voldemort pointed to the large wardrobe. "Fetch me my Wednesday robes Wormtail, and dress me." He ordered. Wormtail went over to the wardrobe but when he pulled out the Wednesday robes he felt it almost impossible not to laugh.

"Wormtail, what was that!" Voldemort demanded, after hearing wormtails snigger. "Ju-just a s-sneeze my lord, I-I think I'm coming down with a...a-" Wormtail faked a sneeze "-cold my lord." he stammered, in an attempt to justify himself. Voldemort's face contorted in disgust.

"Well hurry up then, dress me quickly and get out, I do not need your filthy disease Wormtail!" he ordered. Wormtail sighed in relief, placed the robes on his master and ran from the room as quickly as possible.

* * *

Lord Voldemort did not simply eat his breakfast at the table with the others, he had it brought up to his room. Narcissa Malfoy knocked on the door.

"Enter." Voldemort boomed and she entered the room holding a tray of food, but as soon as she got into close proximity of the Dark Lord she covered her mouth with her hand and made a quiet noise which sounded like she was clearing her throat.

"Something wrong, Narcissa?" He asked, eyeing her as she placed the tray at the foot of the bed, avoiding eye contact. "No, not at all my Lord." She replied, biting her lip nervously. she turned and swiftly left the room.

"Was it something I did?" Voldemort wondered aloud.

* * *

Voldemort decided he would see what his Death Eaters were doing so he went into the living room. Dolohov was sat reading the paper, Travers and Mulciber were discussing their upcoming mission, Rookwood was reading a book and the Lestrange's were engaged in a rather intense game of chess.

"Do any of you know whether Severus has arrived yet?" Voldemort asked. When they looked up, everyone's eyes bulged, resembling those of a fly's, the room went silent and the atmosphere could easily be cut with a knife. The silence was only broken by the sound of a smashing chess piece. They looked like six rabbits caught in headlights. Dolohov put down the paper and Rookwood hid behind his book. Bellatrix inhaled slightly and spoke.

"Well when he does arrive, would you like me to inform you my Lord?" She suggested, the most composed of the group. She glared at the others slightly.

"Yes that would be most helpful." Voldemort replied, and turned towards the paused, "Oh, no need, here he is now. Good morning Severus." He said.

"Good morning my Lord" Snape replied coldly and did a quick double take, his eyes too resembling a bug's. He walked into the room, took the newspaper and sat in the armchair, shaking his head. Once they were sure Voldemort was gone everyone exchanged puzzled glances.

"Merlin's beard! How the hell did that happen?" Exclaimed Mulciber. Everyone looked at each other and shrugged.

"Whoever did that is in for it!" Added Dolohov. Bellatrix stood up.

"I'm going to tell him." She exclaimed. The others all looked at her like she was crazy. Rodolphus also stood up.

"Tell him, are you mad!" He argued. The others' attention then shifted from her to him and Snape shot him a "seriously" look. She looked him square in the face.

"I think not saying anything would be disloyal." She answered. Snape rolled his eyes.

"Tell him and we all get punished for not saying anything sooner." Rodolphus replied, attempting to reason with her.

"Correction; you lot get punished for not saying sooner and I don't because I told him, and I, as his most faithful should inform him!" Bellatrix explained arrogantly. The men rolled their eyes discretely and Snape let out a quiet snore from behind the newspaper.

"I'm sorry to interrupt what I assure would be a very amusing argument, but is there any particular reason why it should be you who delivers the message to the Dark Lord and not any of us?" Snape replied confidently. there was a flash of anger in Bellatrix's eyes.

"Well why should you..." She began waving her arms around ready to curse Snape, but the anger changed to confusion as she realised her wand was no longer in her hand. She turned around to find that her husband was no longer standing behind her. The anger flooded back to her face and she turned a blotchy pink colour. Snape began to snigger from behind the newspaper. Rodolphus reappeared in the doorway.

"GIVE ME IT!" She demanded, glaring maliciously.

"I don't have it." He replied, grinning slightly.

"well get it!"

"No."

"NOW!"

"No."

"NOW!"

"No."

After what felt like ages of continuous,childlike bickering, Avery plodded up the stairs and into the doorway, in his hand was the missing wand dripping with water.

"Excuse me, is this any of yours?I found it in the bowl of the downstairs loo." He asked. The bickering ceased and a look of utter fury spread across Bellatrix's already blotchy face. She snatched the wand off of Avery and both her and Rodolphus shot out of the room. Snape's already large grin grew wider.

* * *

It was lunch time and everyone was at the table except for four empty seats, one on Lucius Malfoy's right, two on Narcissa Malfoy's left and the large throne at the end of the table. There was complete silence apart from a distinct repeated clashing noise coming from upstairs, Lucius winced as if he had cut himself each time the blasts rocked the chandelier.

"Don't let them break anything, please don't let them break anything..." he found himself muttering, almost praying. Narcissa turned to him with a worried look. Suddenly there was an earth shattering smash and the whole room shook, Lucius appeared to be on the verge of fainting and whimpered aloud, causing everyone to stare at him. Lord Voldemort then entered the room, fashionably late as he intended and took his place in his chair. As soon as he entered there was a sudden uproar of spluttering and failed attempts to conceal laughter. He stared at the display in front of him, revolted.

"YOU ARE ALL DISEASED!" He cried and ran out of the room like a horrified child. Everyone exchanged puzzled glances for the second time that day and continued with their lunch.

* * *

After lunch, several Death Eaters were sat again in the living room. Most were either reading or listening to the radio. The faint voice of Draco Malfoy came from upstairs.

"Has anybody seen my potions textbook?" He asked. Rabastan sat sniggering at the large cut that now decorated the left side of his brother's face and Bellatrix sat eyeing an empty mug. She thrust the mug at her husband.

"Get me another one!" She demanded. He looked at her as if to protest but she simply glared.

"You put my wand in the toilet! So don't even think about complaining; now go and get me another coffee!" She snapped. Rabastan muttered something about being on a leash, however the rest of the room appeared to have frozen and Lucius almost fainted again.

"You... you mean to say that she was not drinking tea, but coffee?" Lucius asked, concern in his voice.

"Yes." his bother in law replied, eyeing him suspiciously. Lucius made a similar whimpering noise to that he had made at lunch.

"Yes, I finally found it in the cupboard," Bellatrix added. Lucius looked closer and closer to passing out.

"I don't see why you and Cissy felt the need to hide the coffee;I mean whose idea was that? And who hides the coffee with the baked beans? Vile slop! Why would anybody..." She began to explain but was cut off by Rodolphus.

"I think he gets the point dear, now do you want this drink or not?" He asked impatiently. She scowled at him.

"Yes." She replied quickly, disproving of his impatient tone. Everyone shifted uncomfortably in their seats, looking increasingly alarmed as Rodolphus headed for the door. Voldemort then entered and the tense atmosphere increased. Lucius had to sit himself down.

"What?" Voldemort asked when he saw the same look of shock on everyone's face. The awkward silence was then shattered by a loud girlish shriek, followed by Draco Malfoy running from the room screaming "Mummy, my eyes, my eyes!"

"What on earth is wrong with that child!" Voldemort spat, offended. Snape put down his book to answer but before he could, Bellatrix stared at him.

"Maybe he saw your face, Severus." She sneered. Snape rolled his eyes at her childishness but still retaliated.

"Or a more likely reaction, maybe he saw your hair." He retorted, sounding calm and cold. Snape revelled in the look of outrage he had just caused.

"MY HAIR!, MY HAIR!" She screeched, "You want to talk about my hair? Well I have one word for you greasy; SHAMPOO!"

Snape rolled his eyes. "Personally my Lord I think it is neither of those suggestions that had young Draco screaming..." Snape began "I feel it was simply a reaction to that ghastly robe you have been wearing all day my Lord."

A blanket of fear and silence covered the room as Voldemort studied the unusual garment. They could sense the anger in his blood red eyes boiling up like a volcano about to erupt. He stared them all square in the face and they cowered into their chairs, avoiding eye contact.

"WHY, IN THE NAME OF SALAZAR SLYTHERIN IS MY ROBE PINK!"

* * *

**Authors note: Thank you for reading :)**


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